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The culture created by apps is what fucks with people so much. I use happiness in the sense of a fleeting moment of joy and contentment in the sense of an abiding feeling of joy. The "dime a dozen" quality to the apps, the fact that there are always twenty more waiting in line and that no individual profile is itself worth much, is far more destructive than we know. It diminishes the value of each and every one of us. This is so true and is the most insidious thing about the apps. The apps create this really weird culture that fucks with how you see yourself and other men there's always more guys out there if this one doesn't work out.
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All the time and energy wasted culminating in nothing. And that high has to be constantly reinvigorated, like a drug, or else you'll crash.įor me, there was nothing more unsatisfying than a lousy hookup. It feels good, but it doesn't lead to anything close to contentment or happiness. Fun is a temporary high and nothing more. I would rephrase this: "It's fun, it can make you temporarily invigorated, but it won't make me content." One of the things we invariably learn when accumulating hookups is that fun has nothing to do with happiness. It's fun, it can make you happy, but it won't make me content. Right now I'm trying to get myself into a position where I can date properly and commit to someone for at least a year or two. Sex is definitely better when you have a good emotional connection. If I could change my actions of the last two years, I'd focus on just the guys I'm genuinely into instead of the quick hookups.
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I don't think I'm particularly talented in the sheets but I know exactly what I like doing after so many iterations of it, and how to do various things well. Most guys my age have had maybe a fifth of the hookups I've had. I know that's not everyone's favorite viewpoint but the less medical intervention needed for your ass and dick, the better. I encourage everyone I talk to to get tested regularly and to practice safe sex. The only STD I've ever had is a herpes cold sore. I know that I would go without in a committed relationship eventually but for my hoe phase I want to be as safe as possible. Every other guy I've been with has been with condoms, and if they insist on going without, I leave. We got tested together so we felt we could go without for once with a reasonable level of safety. I've gone bareback like twice with a trusted friend-with-benefits. My university is in a small enough city and if I ever start chatting with a guy, there's a high chance I've already gotten with one of his friends. I have a bit of a reputation as a slut and that's reasonable. That's fine, usually we compromise, but it's slightly fucked how needy I am when it comes to physicality and happiness.
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Physical contact is really important to me but sometimes my level of physical contact doesn't match with what my partners are comfortable with.
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My emotional needs are free fulfilled by physical contact (not just sex, just hand holding, cuddling, kissing, touching shoulders off my partner). I've always been more sexual than any of the guys I've dated for a while. I worry sometimes about how it's affecting my relationships. Finding gay friends can be hard because even if you're just looking for friendship or dates, the entire mindset is weighted so heavily towards sex that it almost feels impolite to want something else. Most guys I've met have had some serious problems with self esteem and seeking validation through Sex. Everything else was fun but ultimately not productive. I've only had twenty or so exemplary experiences, guys that really made me see stars or helped each other explore kinks or just had some sort of connection beyond the mechanics of pleasure. I like to fuck but I'm no longer focusing too much on it. I've been celibate for about three months and I don't miss it much. I used to screw at least one guy after college almost every week. I acknowledge the fact that I've pretty much been addicted to sex for a long time. I've slept with around 120 guys since I turned eighteen.